Narcissism is a personality pattern that carries a spectrum of both negative and positive traits. By definition, it is the love of oneself to the point of excessive admiration and self-centeredness. 

It's a term that has been around for centuries, originating from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a young man who was so captivated by his own reflection that he fell in love with it, ultimately leading to his demise.

Now it’s important to note that narcissism isn't necessarily a bad thing. We all need to have some degree of self-love and confidence to navigate through life. However, when narcissism becomes extreme, it can be dangerous, both for the narcissist and for those around them.

When the negative traits get even worse, narcissism becomes Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The Dark Side of Narcissism

So if the word is not bad in itself, when do things go wrong with a narcissist?

A narcissist is not just someone who is in love with themselves; it's someone who is obsessed with their own greatness and believes that they are better than everyone else. So much that it becomes toxic to themselves and those who stay around a narcissist.

They see the world as a mirror, and all they want is to see their reflection in it. They crave attention, admiration, and praise, but they also have little empathy for others. Like a black hole, they suck in everything around them and make it all about themselves. Their ego is like a delicate glass sculpture, easily shattered by any perceived criticism or slight. 

They are masters of manipulation, using their charm and charisma to get what they want from others. But the cost of being in their orbit can be high; they can suck the energy and self-worth of those around them.

Living with a narcissist can be an emotionally draining and psychologically harmful experience. Here are some ways in which narcissism can harm those who live with a narcissistic person:

1. Gaslighting

The term "gaslighting" originates from the 1944 film "Gaslight," in which a man manipulates his wife into thinking she is going insane by secretly dimming the gaslights in their home and denying that anything is wrong.

It can be described as a form of psychological manipulation where someone sows the seed of doubts in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity.

For example, if the other person expresses their feelings of hurt or frustration, the narcissist may respond by denying that those feelings are valid or accusing the other person of being too sensitive or irrational.

The narcissist may distort events and conversations to make themselves look better or to make the other person doubt their own recollection of what happened. They may also use tactics like selective memory or omission to make it seem like the other person is at fault or to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.

Gaslighting can also involve using intimidation or threats to control the other person. The narcissist may use their power or influence to make the other person feel small, powerless, or afraid to speak up. They may use insults, verbal abuse, or even physical violence to maintain their dominance and control over the other person.

2. Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is a subtle and insidious pattern of behavior that inflicts harm on one's mental and emotional well-being. It can take the form of words or actions that are intended to manipulate, control, or intimidate another person. This behavior can be deliberate or unintentional, but the impact on the victim is always the same: a slow and steady erosion of their mental health.

A narcissist may do this by belittling, criticizing, or berating the people around them, causing them to feel worthless and powerless.

The emotional abuse inflicted by narcissists can be even more damaging when coupled with their unpredictable behavior.

Narcissism is sometimes said to be synonymous with pathological insecurity. These people will often build a façade of charisma, charm, and confident persona in order to maintain their inflated sense of self-importance and superiority.

And when one bad day makes their façade waver, narcissists may explode in rage and a mess of emotions they cannot control. It doesn’t happen on extremely rare occasions.

Rather, it’s a common trait.

This constant unpredictability by narcissists can make those around them feel like walking on eggshells. You never know how fleeting their warmth is, or how one wrong word will make them coldly lash out.

In some cases, emotional abuse may not even seem like a big deal, but it can have a cumulative effect on the victim's self-esteem and well-being.

3. You May Not Even Know It

The dangerous impacts of living with a narcissist can be difficult to recognize because it often happens slowly and over time, and can be disguised as love, concern, or protection.

Narcissists are often experts at manipulating their victims into believing that their behaviour is normal and justified and that the victim is overreacting or being too sensitive.

This is perhaps the most insidious form of emotional abuse, as the victim may start to question their own sanity and perception of reality. The victim may begin to doubt their own feelings and experiences, and may even start to believe that they deserve the treatment they are receiving.

In fact, the victims of narcissistic abuse may feel like they are the problem, and that they need to change their behavior to please the narcissist.

Living with a narcissistic person can be incredibly isolating, as the victim may consciously or subconsciously feel like they have no one to turn to or that no one will believe them and that no one will be able to help.

The emotional abuse can lead to feelings of shame and self-doubt, making it even harder for the victim to speak up and seek help. They might fall into a pit of denial, and develop their own set of psychological disorders as a result of this highly venomous behavior from a narcissist.