It's 2022, is there still nothing more to a woman than giving birth to a male heir for the family?
Mandeep Kaur, a 30-year-old Indian-origin woman committed suicide on August 4th in New York. She moved to the US in 2018 along with her husband Ranjodhbeer Singh Sandhu, a truck driver. They have been married for 8 years and have two daughters aged 6 and 4. She was a victim of domestic abuse by her husband for giving birth only to daughters. In a video that has now gone viral, she says in Punjabi, " I tolerated all of it, hoping that he will mend his ways one day,... I cannot take daily beatings now…. Daddy, I'm going to die, please forgive me."
India often boasts highly of its rich culture and tradition, but the societal norms have time and again let down the women folk. Women are constantly lectured on how they should get married, have children and tend to the family. Why are all the sacrifices only done by the women of the house? If it's really a big deal, why can't such great deeds be shared among the members of the family cordially? We speak of saving the girl child and ensuring their good health and education. But all for it to end in vain. Isn't it equally important to make women financially independent? Mandeep Kaur states that she tolerated abuse all along for the sake of her daughters. If only she had been employed, she could have taken care of her children's future all by herself and walked out of the toxic matrimony. Even if she did so, is the Indian society in favour of divorce? Do communities support single mothers? It's high time we educate women that it is completely okay for one to walk out of a toxic relationship. Now, I guess self-defence should also be added to the list.
Society at large has to be educated a lot on gender equality. They are the root cause of having a repressive influence on the families. In the past, after an insight of the abusive treatment towards their daughter, Mandeep's family had reported him to the police. But upon her request, the case was rebuked. She had stated that she wanted to give her husband a chance. Was an active effort taken to mend the problem? Did the families try and sort the problem among themselves? Was the victim given counselling? Did the husband seek medical attention to resolve his anger issues? By just giving an opportunity and time, the problem will not take care of itself. Are there enough approaches taken after such an incident? Is mental health of the victim and the abuser assessed and treated?
Is this a unique case or one among the many that is brought to light? Soch by Mohak Mangal, a YouTube channel in their video show how according to the NCRB data, more than 20,000 housewives try to kill themselves every year in India(which on an average amounts to 61 suicides every day or 1 every 25 minutes) and also that these numbers are underreported when families try to solve the issue among themselves. According to Lancet, married women contribute to a higher proportion among suicide of Indian women. The video discusses a few real life examples and views of mental health experts and their substantial research. It further cites three prime reasons that make a woman vulnerable - Domestic violence, Dowry and Economic Independence.
The death of Mandeep Kaur has stirred a movement on social media - #JusticeforMandeep. Clips were shared by a lot of people commenting on how family and social structure are the root cause of domestic violence. Several organizations that work towards uplifting women and officials holding higher positions also took to Twitter to express their grief. Mandeep's father, Jaspal Singh of Bijnor, UP, in an interview with NDTV, said, "We want our granddaughters to be safe now. They're still with their father". The Indian Consulate in New York has promised help. According to news reports, the family has filed a case of suicide abetment against the husband and his family.
Important issues such as Domestic Violence are brought to light and discussed only when an untoward incident happens. Heated discussions and revolutionary movements spring about and die down as soon as a new problem crops up. In this fast-moving world of trends, anything and everything is seen as a piece of gossip. No amount of words would measure the trauma caused by Mandeep's death to her family and children which will now be forever etched in their memory. Active steps have to be taken to reform society so that such catastrophes do not recur in the future.