By Vithya Manoharan

Like every other Indian kid, if my relatives come home and ask me, ‘What you wanna be when you grow up?’ With no hesitation, I would reply back ‘Doctor!’

Maybe I got this word from my grandpa, a retired Army Compounder, who wants me to be a doctor. A lot of the time, it's human tendency to look up to someone who is above us, above our role, like a superior in power. My grandpa, as a compounder, wants me to be a doctor like his superior! Unknowingly, I became fond of the role.

I remember helping differently-abled people in my locality. I met a few on the train and randomly spoke about my dream and my goals of helping people. I feel, this is because of these people who blessed me, who helped me know what I want in life, I’m here!

I started my schooling in a Government School. Especially to gain good marks in my boards so that I could reach the medical cut-off, I shifted to matriculation. After the NEET announcement, I don't really know what got into me. I got the guts to shift to the CBSE board for higher secondary.

Making decisions was the easy part; financially and mentally, however, it was challenging. From adapting to a new language to adjusting to hostel life, I felt as though I had thrust myself into a trial period of life.

It was March 2021. My CBSE board exams were not announced yet due to a pandemic surge. With no prior coaching, I was in great confusion about whether to take a drop year for NEET or pick up a B.Sc. in Cardiology. I knew; my boards were not even on the list of concerns.

Picking up another course, that's even to my liking, is not a problem. But I’ve always made decisions based on this one dream, I've moved mountains for this one dream, ‘Doctor.’

I kept waiting for my board exam dates. I thought once it was done, I'd be clear on what to pick. Sigh!

When the exams got canceled, I kept waiting for my results. Out of surprise, that was a phase of everything around you moving but not you! ‘You’re still struck’.

I got to see my friends getting into college, ready to start another chapter of their lives. On the other end, I was still figuring things out for myself.

Finally, after deciding to take a year off, I’ve fueled up my thoughts of waiting more than ever before.

After one solid year, I lost the race by three marks.

BOOM! My friends were in their second year of college.

Taking a drop year again is either gonna pay off or make you pay for it. One more year and a lot of my friends will graduate. They will start working. The thought of me being in the same place was one of the biggest fears a 17-year-old girl can have.

I think the worst thing of all is seeing yourself buried in your discomfort. During the phase of preparation, one would tend to ask, Why am I still holding onto it a thousand times? Make sure you have a strong "Why"!

My inner self kept bombarding me with a question, ‘One solid year in vain! Still going to wait?’ But I'd already made up my mind a long time back.

‘You’ve to trust yourself unless or until no one did’ - This has been my savior at my most difficult times.

After a roller coaster ride for one more year, here I am! Waiting for my counseling.

Waiting is no longer an issue. It's not a novel thing either. I’m sure I'll get a seat this time. But instead of being happy, I’m relieved.

This is the moment I've waited for. Now that it's coming, I don't feel the joy, instead, I feel the responsibility of my profession. I guess this is what the process does!

I have heard of people saying life is not about destiny but about the journey. In that case, I'm telling you, some processes are made to mold you stronger. You can't always enjoy it, but you can cherish it for later. Learn to get the most out of it. It prepares you for the real battle.

'Maybe I did not choose this in the first place; now that I'm in it, I can't leave it midway.’ One of my friends, Anushiya, told me this when she was about to take another drop.

I have seen people leaving this game after giving a single attempt. I have seen people who perform well in the class still fail to crack NEET. Will you call it the luck factor? Whatsoever, this phase of preparation prepares you to be a good doctor. If you are really passionate about this, reflect it through your work. The game is all yours when you treat it as your life.

And now that it's over, I’m slowly regaining my hobbies and passions. And one more time, here I am waiting to experience the life I loved and lived as a dream.

I have heard of people saying life is not about destiny but about the journey. In that case, I'm telling you, some processes are made to mold you stronger. You can't always enjoy it, but you can cherish it for later. Learn to get the most out of it. It prepares you for the real battle.

These days, ‘Are you excited to join the college?’ has been a regular question. Seriously, I’m not! I’m in awe of what the next 5.5 years are going to be like. I’m excited to learn what life is going to bring for me.

On the other hand, my parents are very excited. In a day, they would ask me about the counseling dates at least three times. Sometimes, I would remember the joy I deserve by looking at them.

I remember my sister, Jennifer Antaniya (2nd year MBBS), telling me how they don't get any free time during MBBS and advising me to spend a significant amount of time on myself for now.

I know the syllabus is vast, and my goals are too. After waiting for this long, I feel like medicine is a part of me.’ I swear, I’ll enjoy learning it.

This period of waiting has evolved me into a person who is responsible, committed, and optimistic. Sometimes it drives you crazy and puts you in great pain. But, trust me, it will be worthwhile. It taught me to fight for the things I need. It taught me to let a few things go. It opened new doors for me, and it did close some doors.

I’m happy that I finally get to learn medicine.