5 Innocent Parenting Mistakes That Fuels Picky Eating in Children

Parents will do anything to make their children eat. They bargain, bribe, and even beg to make their children take one bite. 

While all of these are well-intentioned, they unknowingly brew the recipe for a picky eater. They don’t realize that what they are doing is going to pay them back in a different way. And they will not like it when their child refuses to eat the food they offer. Ultimately, it’s good for neither the parent nor the child. 

And so, unfortunately, we have to name them as “well-meant mistakes” that the parents commit. We are going to point out the common ones here.

What is picky eating in children?

There is still no strict definition for picky eating in children. The most commonly accepted definition is from Lumeng, cited in this study by M. Taylor et al. ^[1]:

According to a longitudinal study in the UK  called ALSPAC, the prevalence was 10 % at age 2 years, peaking at 3 years (15 %) and then declining at 4 ½ and 5 ½ years of age (14 % and 12 %, respectively). ^[2]

Causes of picky eating based on evidence:

Picky eating, to a moderate degree, can be heritable. ^[2] But several other correctable factors lead to picky eating. Causes like early feeding difficulty and delayed introduction of lumpy textured food are more manageable with proper guidance. The most common of all practices is the pressure we put on our kids to make them eat. Several studies show that the parental pressure to eat and the mother’s worries over their child’s behavior stimulate picky eating. ^[2] 

In daily life, some practices parents make, develop picky eating in children.

Mistakes that parents make that lead to picky eating in children:

1. Pressure to eat: Force breeds more resistance

Parents are so desperate to make children eat. I’ve seen parents threatening their child to eat, “ If you don’t eat, a thief will take you away.” Children will be scared and seem to eat the food offered then. But they develop this negative experience with food. 

Some children, instead of being scared, start to rebel. In that case, the parent’s temperament breaks off and they start scolding. This again reinforces the not-so-good connection with meals in a child’s brain. They start resisting more even with the slightest pressure. 

A detailed study ^[2] on pressure to eat showed a bidirectional association with picky eating. Children who were pressured to eat at 4 years of age developed the habit of picky eating at 6 years. And parents who had children who are picky eaters at 4 years old were seen to pressure them more at 6 years of age. The learning point here is that pressure in any way isn’t going to help prevent picky eating.

So, threatening, scaring, and scolding them to eat paves the way to picky eating.

2. Manipulate to eat: Short-term fixes can have long-term consequences.

While scaring and scolding are a forceful form of pressure, manipulation is the more passive form.

Manipulation can be bribing them to give rewards like screen time and treats if they eat food. Or it can be tricking children to eat the food offered by hiding food in something they like. Some parents literally beg their refusing child to eat.

Though parents resort to such techniques out of exhaustion, it’s unhealthy. Children may lose trust and interests in food and mealtimes. Sometimes this can give them the idea to manipulate parents back to get what they want. And in later stages, this practice of rewarding with treats can lead to emotional eating. 

Manipulation, however well-intended, can lead to picky eating in children.

3. Distract to feed: diverting to miss their bodily cues to hunger

If nothing works, parents try to feed their children by distracting or diverting them.

The most common modes of distraction feeding are using television or mobile phones during meal times. Another common way is using playful diversions like portraying food as toys and shoving it into their mouth. Again, parents do this out of love and desperation. But there are actual studies that prove against it. 

Children who are distracted while eating don’t learn to enjoy their food, drink more than eat solid foods and are slow to eat. ^[3] In addition to picky eating, it can lead to unhealthy food habits that can cause obesity in children. They will never know to sense their hunger and satiety cues better. 

Medbound Times reached out to Dr. Ashok Renganathan, a pediatrician, to shed some light on the topic of distraction feeding.

4. Parent’s behavior matters too.

Not only the child’s emotionality, but the parent’s negative affect that they show towards their children can lead to picky eating too.

In a Norwegian study, researchers found that both the child’s and mother’s temperament when the child was 1.5 years old led to picky eating at later ages. In the Generation R study, anxiety and depression in the parents, which caused internalizing problems in them, led to picky eating in their preschoolers. ^[2]

Also, studies show that family meal times and eating the same meal as the child lessen the fussiness towards food. ^{[2, 3]} 

It may be hard to really control our response to our children when they refuse to eat, but practicing a more gentle and child-led approach to mealtime can help a lot.

5. Breastfeeding and weaning mistakes.

In the first year of life, studies show that breastfeeding for less than 2 months and late introduction of lumpy food beyond 9 months can cause picky eating in children. ^[2] Also, the mother’s food preferences during pregnancy and breastfeeding can affect those of her children. ^[4]

Flavors from the mother’s food are transmitted through the amniotic fluid and breast milk, which can influence food preference and choice in later life. 

Exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months as recommended and starting age-appropriate solid foods at the time of weaning can help prevent this. Early introduction of vegetables and fresh fruits reduced picky eating. If they refuse the first time, repeated small exposures to that food can lead to acceptance later. 

Research of 3022 infants showed that caregivers were not aware of the idea that a new food needs to be exposed to the children 8–15 times before they accept it. ^[4]

Also, early feeding difficulties like the presence of tongue tie and oral function abnormalities that are often missed at that age can lead to picky eating later. This can be diagnosed by a professional in the first few weeks of life. Also, it is easier to manage if picked up early. 

Another issue that can be solved with professional help if picked up early is sensory abnormalities in children. Children with more sensory sensitivity are more prone to develop picky eating later in life. ^[2]

What are some healthy practices that can prevent this?

1. Set realistic expectations of how much the child can eat at a meal. They tend to have smaller portion sizes than we expect.

2. As a parent or caregiver, model healthy eating habits like consuming fruits and vegetables to the child.

3. Provide constant exposure in small quantities to the food they initially reject. (At least 8–15 positive experiences are needed.)

4. Never lose yourself and start pressuring, manipulating, or distracting to make children eat. They need to have positive experiences with food. Be patient and consistent.

5. Try to have more family meals and eat the same food as the child.

6. Try limiting snacks before mealtimes to promote appetite.