Have you ever wondered why your oldest sibling always takes charge, while your youngest sibling can be the life of the party?
Birth order plays a major role in shaping our personalities and life choices, influencing everything from career paths to relationship dynamics.
To provide deeper insights, Medbound Times reached out to Harshita Verma, an RCI-licensed child and adolescent psychologist based in Delhi, who has been working with children and parents for almost two years.
Birth order refers to the rank of siblings according to their ages. The birth order theory was first proposed in the 20th century by an Austrian psychotherapist and researcher Alfred Adler. According to the theory, a child's personality and development are influenced by the order in which they are born.
It is also believed that parents assign roles based on a child's birth order, either intentionally or unintentionally, which could have an effect on the child's personality development.
It is important to remember that not everyone accepts Adler's views, and a person's personality is not always determined by where they are in their family tree.
For the first born child, the parents are more careful and want to get everything right and at times they might be too strict while with younger siblings because of more experience in Parenting, they adopt a more relaxed parenting approach which is why the younger sibling is more open to new experiences and less conforming.
Harshita Verma, RCI-licensed Child and Adolescent Psychologist, Delhi
Firstborns often experience the spotlight being alone for a significant part of their early years, which can influence their personality in distinct ways:
Achiever and Leader: Because of the parental attention initially focused on them, firstborns may develop strong leadership qualities and a drive for achievement.
Sense of Superiority: A sense of superiority over younger siblings from their earlier position as the only child.
Controlling Tendencies: They often develop a need to be correct and may show controlling behavior to maintain order.
Desire to Please and Reliability: Their goal is to regain parental attention, which can make them eager to please, reliable, and rule-abiding.
First-borns often have a leadership trait because they have to take care of their younger sibling and guide them, while younger siblings are more risk takers probably because of the more lenient parenting that they are exposed to.
Harshita Verma, RCI-licensed Child and Adolescent Psychologist, Delhi
Middle children and second-borns tend to be under the shadow of an elder sibling:
Competitive Nature: They could feel pressured to keep up with or even surpass the achievements of their older sibling.
People-pleasers and peacemakers: They may be skilled at settling conflicts and winning people over as an aim to gain attention and stay out of trouble.
Independence and Rebellion: The impulse to create their identities may drive middle children to become strongly independent and occasionally exhibit rebellious behaviors.
Adaptability and Sociability: They frequently develop these qualities, to establish their niche inside and beyond the family.
Being the youngest in the family, they frequently benefit from a different dynamic:
Charming and Outgoing: They frequently acquire a friendly and lively attitude, using their charm and extroversion to stand out.
Attention-Seeking: To set themselves apart from older siblings the youngest child may try to seek attention.
Perceived Inferiority: Their confidence and self-esteem may be impacted by assuming that their older siblings' achievements outshines them.
Accelerated Development: To keep up with their elder siblings, kids could exhibit behaviors and skill development more quickly, which may lead to a higher level of social or emotional maturity.
Only children often balance independence, maturity, and a potential desire for attention.
Confidence: Being the center of attention can foster strong self-belief.
Maturity: Regular interactions with adults may make them more mature, accelerating their cognitive and emotional growth.
Sensitivity: Increased attention to their need tends to make them more sensitive.
Social dynamics: Growing up without siblings can impact their experiences of sharing and competition
Self-centeredness: Without the need to share space or attention, only children might become more self-centered.
Desire to be like adults: They may adopt adult terminology and mannerisms, potentially creating a disconnect with peers.
Difficulty with cooperation: Limited experience in sharing and negotiating can lead to challenges in cooperative situations.
Overprotectiveness: Parents may become overprotective, leading to dependency.
Long-term implications:
Intelligence and creativity: Higher focus and fewer distractions due to the lack of siblings can lead to increased creativity and academic success.
Easier transition to adulthood: Their maturity and independence may ease their journey into adulthood.
IQ Advantage: According to certain theories, firstborn children may be smarter and have a higher IQ than their siblings. Recent research, however, shows that this benefit is negligible, with an average IQ difference of only 1 point over later-borns.
Social Factors: The perception of higher intelligence in firstborns may be influenced by social factors rather than innate ability. Those who are firstborn are surrounded by adults during their early years, which may improve their language skills in comparison to later-born children who often learn language from their older siblings which is less developed.
Leadership Role: Firstborns often take over the leadership and teaching role with their younger siblings. Educating others may enhance the tutor's intelligence, this may help them develop intellectually as well.
Career success: Research shows that only children often achieve higher education levels and secure prestigious jobs.
Harshita Verma also mentioned that the dynamics can significantly impact an individual's life choices. she shared that according to a study firstborn children have been found to occupy leadership positions later in life like CEOs, doctors, and lawyers. while the secondborn have found work as entertainers and entrepreneurs.
When working with first-born children, I often address perfectionistic tendencies or over-responsibility. With middle children, I focus on building self-esteem and helping them carve out a unique identity. For youngest children, the challenge can be fostering independence and resilience.
Harshita Verma, RCI-licensed Child and Adolescent Psychologist, Delhi
Harshita Verma shared her insights from her clinical experience that firstborn children mostly take over a caregiving role, specially in families with both parents working, this can lead to stress and feelings of being overburdened. Middle children tend to act as a bridge, balancing relationships and conflicts while youngest children, tend to be more free-spirited and may challenge authority. She added that these observations align with Adler's theories, though the family dynamics can vary widely.
She also explained that understanding a client's birth order is important for understanding the family dynamics and possible stressors, recognizing these dynamics allows for tailored interventions. External factors like school environment and peer relationships are also considered.
Family Dynamics
Blended Families
Age Differences
Health Issues
Gender
Death of a Sibling
References
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-to-know-about-birth-order(Cited on 28/08/2024)
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/birth-order-theory (Cited on 28/08/2024)
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/birth-order-theory-insights-into-your-personality/(Cited on 29/08/2024)
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-to-know-middle-child-syndrome(Cited on 28/08/2024)
MSM